Past Life

I was standing outside this morning, at 6:15am, hanging up my washing.  I'd been up since 5:30am, made bretzels in the oven for all the kids, gotten Lightning to his swimming session, and was now hanging up my washing, while it was still dark, but knowing it was going to be a dry and sunny morning and if I didn't get it out on the line now I wouldn't manage later on.  Once done, I was going to go back inside, eat some breakfast, and meet a friend to get to our fitness class for 7am.

And as I stood there hanging up some shirts I just thought, man... who AM I?!  

My 22 year old self - no, even my 32 year old self - would not recognise this me.  Because this is not who I am.  I am not a person that regularly does fitness classes, early enough to be before work, or hangs up washing outside, in October, let alone while it is still dark. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying any of these are bad things to be - in fact, many would say they are very good things, and that I am now a better person for them.  But ultimately, I just don't feel like it's me.

Up to 5 years ago (and post the first few years at university) I would not have exercised regularly. Scrap that, I didn't exercise full stop, and didn't feel bad for it either.  I have never been a morning person, though have always been able to get up and get on with things if required; I was the get-inspired-at-11pm type of person, and enjoyed sleeping in the next day.  And up to this year, I have never, never, been a believer in the notion of hanging-up-your-washing-outside-just-to-give-it-some-fresh-air, because I didn't see the point in hanging it up outside, to then bring it in and hang it up all over again inside because it most probably wasn't fully dry.  We can thank the increased cost of electricity for that last one!

So... have I changed for my kids?  Have I changed just because of them?  Because of circumstances?  Because of age?  Is it, therefore, inevitable?  So is it short-term?  Or will these changes be long-lasting?  Because my brain already now wakes up every day at 6am, whether I get up or not.  When my children stop swimming or leave home, will I go back to being a night-owl? Or by then will it be so ingrained that my life has changed forever?  And since when have I philosophised about how I've changed over the years?!? Do I even really care?!  

I'm gonna blame it on being 6:15 in the morning and the sixth early morning this week!